My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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