I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
