I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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