Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
