Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Alive.
So much puke
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
