so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
