the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize