i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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