I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
