It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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