waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
