The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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