I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
