On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
where does the pee come out of this thing
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
