I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
