i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
