you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
