Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So vagazzling was a success
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
