That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
