hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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