I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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