You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
