The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
home. puking in laundry basket.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry about my life...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
