my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
