Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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