now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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