READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
