when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize