I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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