If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
