He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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