it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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