i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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