You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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