The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
