I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
