he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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