and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I am morally bankrupt
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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