Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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