Already got asked if we're dating
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
