It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
