I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
