Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
