Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize