Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
