Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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