My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
