Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize