idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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