May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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