Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
