She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
