oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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