have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I AM VODKA MAN
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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