your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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