We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
