I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
