I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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