just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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