the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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