Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm always down for nudity.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
