I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
