people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
