I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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