Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
