Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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