once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
